a bird in the hand…

“What is a bad thing anyway? A bad thing is something that is different than what I want. Who gets to decide what the bad thing is? Jerry and Esther watched the mother bird lay her eggs in the nest, and then the neighbor’s cat ate the baby bird. Esther said, ‘Bad cat!’ And the cat said, ‘Good bird!’”– Abraham- Hicks

I couldn’t agree more!

have you been thinking you were all alone while I was still thinking of you?

When I look back at my life, I have to fight an awful tendency to think that the best times have already past, or that they are somewhere off in the future. Do you do that, too?

Today was a sort of crap day that I made the most of, but as I found myself thinking of better times, I became curious about the common denominator. I spent a little bit of time in therapy last week wondering the same thing: What is different about my life now from when I perceived myself as happier?

Or is happiness like feeling fat? I was a fat kid, so I always think I am fat even when I know I’m not. When I look back at skinny photos from 6 or 7 years ago, I can remember the moment when those pics were taken and how fat I thought I was, not realizing I was crazy slender. Is happiness like that, too? In the same way that it can be hard to see how good we look now, can it be equally difficult to realize how happy one is in the present moment?

For instance, sometimes I think I was so much happier when I in my mid-20s, had less money and lived in New Orleans. But when I talked to Amy about my dislike of Atlanta, and start to idealize New Orleans, she will remind me that I was so beyond ready to leave there, wanted more opportunity, wanted my new job, was tired of New Orleans and the heat. A little bit of euphoric recall, that. Maybe that’s what I’m caught up in today.

So two things I can do right now at 11:03 p.m. are make a gratitude list and go work out. I will work out in a sec, but let me try to think of five things I feel thankful for, right now:

1. I’m grateful that there is a well-appointed gym in my building so I can work out at all hours.
2. I’m grateful that I have an Ambien prescription, despite the recent weird stories about that pill. (I’d link off to them, but TypePad on Macs makes it too difficult to do so, sorry! Do a google search.
3. I’m grateful that there is always a thought to think that makes me feel better.
4. I’m grateful for growing pains because they mean I am growing.
5. I’m thankful that I checked off a lot of items today that had lingered on my “to do” list for a while.

Carolyn Myss says that it’s easy to be grateful when life is serving you a banquet, but if you can be grateful when life ISN’T serving you a banquet…well, that’s what really counts. I realize that life is always serving me a banquet, so I’m not complaining….