you don’t know my name…and it feels like “oooh ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh”

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Wow! This was scarily accurate!

ESFP – “Entertainer”. Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

i guess you go too far when pianos try to be guitars

Back in 2000, I was inspired by my friend Arman to make a hometown AOL profile page. I modeled mine after his, and then forgot all about it because I haven’t been an AOL member since 2001. Well, I looked it up on the Internet Archive today and there it was: Me, circa 2001.

For the record, O Magazine is no longer on my list.

i grew up where it was a difficult drive to the airport

So my gal pal Randi comes to my cube the other day during lunch. She’s looking cute and entertaining me with one of her many entertaining stories; I’m eating a grilled chicken salad with lite Italian dressing from the cafe downstairs, while rooting through a Powerpoint presentation.

Suddenly, she stops speaking mid-sentence, cocks her head to one side, furrows her brow and asks, "Um, why in the world do you have a pair of tweezers sitting on the top of your keyboard?"

Busted.

I could have given nearly all these quotes except for the one about the shaving and the pedicure. I think that’s taking things a bit too far. I’d never do that. But who hasn’t raced out of the door for an 8 a.m. meeting without thinking, "I’ll just brush my choppers at work!" Is this admission gross?

outside in the hall, there’s a catfight

One of my top 10 lists will be my TOP 10 EXPERIENCES of 2005. I’ll roll these out every so often, counting down to my favorite experience of last year. These are the moments that stick out when I glance back over my calendar…

#3 :: birth-days and bye-byes

Ever since I was 24 years old, I’ve thrown myself a party each year to celebrate my birthday. No presents required, just a night to be surrounded by my nearest and dearest. After my 30th, I took a few years off and tried to keep things as quiet as possible. I love the idea of birthdays though. I love celebrating someone’s arrival on planet earth and the chain of events their presence set off. I take it pretty seriously.

In 2005, I decided to go home to New Orleans to celebrate the release of my CD with a little show that my friend Rene helped me set up. The only time that would work was the the week of my birthday. It was a great concert and I saw people I hadn’t seen since leaving for Atlanta five years earlier. I got to meet A’s awesome new BF Shane. My friend Juli was there; when I last saw her she was battling cancer in her leg/bone marrow and I didn’t know if I’d see her again. Folks drove in from all over for the show — Lafayette, Houston, Baton Rouge. Then, out popped Glen, who had flown in from NYC to be there.

I was getting all emotional at the love and support coming my way. But then, as I was playing the last song, Maryam brought out a big cake full of candles with my name on it and then these presents came out of nowhere and it started to dawn on me that my friends were throwing me a little birthday party!

I really felt loved that night, and it was definitely one of my favorite experiences of the year. It’s hard to surprise me, but they really pulled it off! I had to practice receiving all the love and support from everyone, but it was beyond cool — and even cooler, thanks to the IceSpot Amy gave me!! Miguel, Scott, Amy, Denise, Richard, Arman, Mike, Barry, Jenny, Glen, Chris, Rose, Casey, Maryam, Tom, Marla, Dee — it was as if all my Louisiana universes collided in that one night.

Then there was Steve, who drove us out to the French Quarter that night. He died a few weeks later, quite suddenly. Over the 13 years I knew him, we were never really close friends but ran in the same circle. That night, as usual with Steve and the crew, we shared drinks, catty comments, and more than a few laughs and I guess that’s the point, right? Being with friends, feeling loved, enjoying and appreciating the time with the people you love while you have it. Don’t miss a second.

it feels so good to doubt you, i could almost live without you — but not quite

[Marital Status]	in a relationship
[Shoe size]	12
[Parents still together]	nope
[Siblings]	one sister, two brothers, all older
[Pets]	none
FAVORITES
[Color]	puke-y green
[Number]	8
[Animal]	dog
[Drinks]	mandarin & diet tonic
[Soda]	diet coke
[Book]	lizard by banana yoshimoto
[Flower]	depends, but I really like gerbera daisies
DO YOU
[Color your hair?]	no
[Twirl your hair?]	no
[Have tattoos?]	no
[Have Piercings?]	no
[Cheat on tests/homework?]	no
[Drink/Smoke?]	yes/no
[Like roller coasters?]	sometimes
[Wish you could live somewhere else?]	seattle
[Want more piercings?]	think about it sometimes
[Like cleaning?]	yes
[Write in cursive or print?]	half/half
[Own a web cam?]	no
[Know how to drive?]	yes
[Own a cell phone?]	yes
[Ever get off the damn computer?]	sometimes
HAVE U EVER
[Been in a fist fight?]	yes
[Considered a life of crime?]	no
[Considered being a hooker?]	no
[Lied to someone?]	yes
[Been in love?]	yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?]	yes
[Been in lust?]	yes
[Used someone]	yes
[Been used?]	yes
[Been cheated on?]	no
[Kicked someone in the nuts?]	yes
[Stolen anything?]	yes
[Held a gun]	yes
CURRENTS
[Current clothing]	j.crew navy long sleeved pocket-t/gap boxer shorts/diesel watch
[Current mood]	relaxed
[Current taste]	leftover pizza
[What you currently smell like]	yesterday
[Current hair]	bedhead extraordinaire
[Current thing I ought to be doing]	nothing!
[Current cd in stereo]	Agular by M.I.A.
[Last book you read]	When I Knew…
[Last movie you saw]	Spidey 2 on DVD; Brokeback Mountain in theaters
[Last thing you ate]	that leftover pizza mentioned above
[Last person you talked to on the phone]	my friend jennifer vanasco
[Do drugs?]	nope
[Believe there is life on other planets?]	yes
Remember your first love?]	totally
[Still love him/her?]	yep, more than 10 years later he’s still one of my best buds
[Read the newspaper?]	rarely
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?]	yes
[Believe in miracles?]	yes, defining mircales as a shift in perception
[Do well in school?]	excellent student
[Wear hats]	recently, yes — well, one in particular
[Hate yourself?]	sometimes
[Have an obsession?]	not at the moment
[Collect anything?]	no, not in any organized fashion
[Have a best friend?]	a few
[Close friends?]	even more
[Like your handwriting?]	mostly
[Care about looks]	yes, especially since I moved to atlanta 5 years ago, sad to say
LOVE LIFE
[First crush]	stevie
[First kiss]	marcie
[Do you believe in love at first sight?]	yes
[Do you believe in "the one?"]	yes, but I also believe there are multiple people you could be happy with, not just one
[Are you a tease?]	not in my current incarnation, but in my 20s, sure
[Too shy to make the first move?]	never
ARE U A
[Daydreamer] &..39;><input type=
[Bitch/Asshole]	no/no
[sarcastic]	more lately, but generally I avoid sarcasm; if you have something to say then have the balls to say it
[Angel]	80%
[Devil]	10% — i’ll leave the other 10% to your imagination
[Shy]	actually, yes, I can be
[Talkative]	i would say I’m pretty verbal
CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

if i get drunk and stupid and say something foolish i still don’t think i’ll ever shake this thing

One of my top 10 lists will be my TOP 10 EXPERIENCES of 2005. I’ll roll these out every so often throughout the end of the year, counting down to my favorite experience of the year. These are the moments that stick out when I glance back over my calendar…

#6 :: Song Shifts

Thanks to a boss and mother figure I had for 7.5 years when I was young and impressionable, I have a difficult time talking about my art without feeling like I’m coming off like an ego-maniac. (It was  nearly a decade into my professional writing career before, thanks to Julia Cameron, I could call myself a writer.) However, there is something intrinsicly egotistical about having a blog in the first place, and so here I am, blogging about my thoughts on my navel-gazing style of songwriting.  It’s like a mirror inside a mirror. Eh, I give that woman too much power.

Anyway, you’re hear to read about my navel-gazing, so here we go:

One thing I want to remember about 2005 was that my songs started to change. They are more gauzy and open-ended and looser and more confident and risk-taking. I like the change! It’s been fun to watch my art evolve. I felt more exhileration and excitement and joy after writing "London" than I can ever remember.  I hadn’t felt that proud feeling in many songs.

Additionally, I think that I’ve been writing some borderline optimistic songs, where before, though I never found my tunes depressing, some reported they felt like "little black holes to nowhere." (Thanks for sharing!) And, originally, being a fan of such artists as The Red House Painters and Lori Carson, I tended to take grey and black to new depths.

Now, I just notice that the songs are lighter, and aren’t always about me, and have at least a tinge of hope creaping up through the cracks. I think my creations will always have a melodramatic tinge of melancholy, but these days there’s a lot more light — and it feels nice.

NOTE: As the end of the year closes in, I’d thank all my dedicated "first run" listeners for their feedback, support, and encouragement these last 12 months: Michelle, AW, and Bradley. You guys hear my babies first and I appreciate your ears and love.

and you’ve got something that i can’t resist

I can’t believe the Christmas “break” is over.

I’ve had such a fun four days, and I must say this was the most low-key, yet pitch-perfect Christmas Day ever. Since I’ve become an adult, I must admit I’m not a holiday person. I don’t think my parents were into the holidays either. I remember one Christmas at my dad’s when we got a tree and maybe one at my mom’s when we got a tree. We never had stockings or stuff like that, and no holiday traditions that we participated in. The older I get, the odder this seems. I was a brat, though, when I was a kid. I never got what I wanted and I always pitched a fit.

I think when I was a kid, I always thought that Christmas would be the reward for all the stuff I had to deal with in my family. But it was never ever enough, and I know that it could never be enough. Ah, angst.

I always say that my 20s were my favorite decade, and lately I think that it’s because my 20s were when i finally got to enjoy myself a little, have fun, get love and do my own thing without having to worry (as much) about the crap I had to deal with when I was a kid. Now, I think I’m finally growing up. I’m able to appreciate people more, I am inclined to put up with less bullshit, I’m more OK being me, and know that I’m OK no matter what happens.

Well, I guess the older I get, the cheesier I become, but the truth is that waking up with my boyfriend in my arms on Christmas morning was the best present I received in years. I knew I was in the right place, doing the right thing, being the right me. We had the best day, just us, and presents and food and sweetness and it flew — FLEW — by. I think I can appreciate the gift of time, of someone’s PRESENCE in your life, in your day, in a way I never could before. For me, it’s a new level of maturation and it makes me extra excited about how I will meet all the surprises 2006 will bring.

maybe i was first, maybe you were first, it doesn’t really matter

“An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.”

I just googled this favorite quote of mine and found several sources that attribute this to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who knew?

when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when i’m feeling sad

The day started off with me staring at the floor, already exhausted, eyes swollen and red, feeling incapable of putting on my socks. The good news is that it got progressively better.

Tonight I went shopping for a few of my favorite things to cheer me up:

Amy’s Cheeseless Pizza (I’ll saute some spinach to yummy it up…)
Karite Lips Shea Butter Lip Balm (The best, but at $6, usually too expensive because I’ll lose it in a day or wash it in the washing machine, but today, who cares?)
Throat Coat Herbal Tea
Gypsy Cold Care Herbal Tea (I like to drink these even when I’m not sick)
Arden’s Garden SuperGreen 12 oz.
Men’s Health Magazine — the Tech Guide issue
Orangina (reminds me of Sondra)
A new adjustable sleeping mask in black
Cereal

The universe brought me a few of my favorite things on its own:

A suprise from Randi’s trip to California (a full post on this later!)
A sweet note from a friend-of-a-friend I don’t know
Dinner full of comforting conversation with long-time friends
Waking up to a thoughtful email from the BF
The ability to say no to plans
An invitation of friendship
The strength to be weak with Brandon
Discovering an awesome mention on violet suede’s site…never saw it before tonight (to be included amongst anyone’s favorites with Sacha and Casey and Gavin is beyond the beyond!! too sweet!!)
The ability to choose to still trust someone
A call to perform at Eddie’s (more on this tomorrow if it pans out, still nice to be asked)
Me tucked in, teeth brushed, journals written, thoughts thunk, life lived, by midnight

where are we? what the hell is going on?

I couldn’t sleep again last night. So as I lay there thinking, I thought that I get a lot of good thinking done at this time. That maybe my brain just needs space to think so it wakes me up, demanding to roil in thoughts that must be thought. During the last year or so, there has not been a lot of room otherwise to let my brain loose, to let it wander around itself and see what’s there.

Got the new Imogen Heap CD "Speak for Yourself" on my lunch break. I met her a few years ago and she is beyond sweet and so talented. Go run out and get her new disc — it’s incredible.